Living with Molly: Here We Go Again!

🎵 Unstoppable — Sia (https://youtu.be/YaEG2aWJnZ8?si=U0Leosm6m-pQL1H-)

It’s a long one today so grab a brew or a wine (your choice!)

Surgery tomorrow – big fat flippin eek!!! It’s definitely got real!

I’ve got to be there at 7am tomorrow. I’ve been packing my hospital bag, and in the midst of that and frantically cleaning the house today, I had this lovely message from one of my close friends after she’d been reading my old cancer blog/book from first time round:

“Would tell you to read this book not put it down since last night basically it’s this brave beautiful witty clever fighter that pulls off the most amazing fight you can’t but love her 😍 you got this love you loads ❤️❤️❤️❤️”

It made me smile and cry, thinking about the me that went through it all 18 years ago, and the fight she had!

Anyway, I do need a book and luckily my daughter bought me 3 to keep me busy while I recover – not sure I could cope re-reading my old blog & book, it’s weird but I mentally can’t deal with that now 😩🫣

I’ve had so many messages from people wishing me well. Lots have been saying how positive I always am. And it’s true, I normally am. Not in a “life is always wonderful and I’m doing marvellously” kind of way, I just genuinely believe life, whether it’s long or short, is there to be lived to the full, and with a smile.

Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of wobbles, and I have times where life punches me in the face. But imagine choosing misery all the time? Absolutely not for me thanks. There’s enough rubbish in the world without volunteering to sit permanently in the sad corner. I want to be known for smiling, not frowning – I reckon it’s cheaper to Botox the laughter lines around my eyes than it would be to Botox a big frowning forehead too🤣

Yesterday was the anniversary of losing my mum five years ago to cancer and 15 years ago I lost my dad to cancer too, apparently this family likes a theme 🙄. But weirdly, instead of feeling alone, I’ve felt really close to both my mum and dad these last few days, they’re somehow hovering around telling me to stop being dramatic and get on with it (hovering makes them sound like weird ghosts floating around 😂).

Also yesterday, my body decided it had had enough of me saying I’m absolutely fine and I woke with a massive headache. Then after a lovely lunch with my stepdad, I came home and basically collapsed back into bed for another few hours because my head was pounding again. Stress I reckon.

So, instead of resting properly like a sensible human being, I then decided to go for a run. Well… “run” might be overstating it slightly. It was more walk-run-walk-run-dramatic breathing-walk… but who’s tracking it?!

I think my body was shouting: “Oi. Enough now, I tried slowing you down with a headache.. now sit down and relax for five bloody minutes.” So I did.

Today has been less emotional and more of a focus and clean the house kind of day.

I’ve been on an absolute mission around the house, washing, drying, stripping beds, cleaning, tidying and sorting. I think it’s because I know I won’t be doing much for a few weeks after tomorrow and I want the house to feel nice when I come home and not smelling of wet dog (to be fair he’s a big dog and it’s rained a lot recently and at least when I come home it’s supposed to be a heatwave so no wet dog then phew!).

So here we are, the day before surgery.

Scared a bit? Of course.
Ready? Definitely.
Still waffling on? Always.

Because if cancer has taught me anything, it’s this:
bad things can happen whilst life is still good.

You can be frightened and grateful.
Tired and hopeful.
Strong and vulnerable.
All at the same time.

And just when things were getting a bit emotional and reflective, my friend has just sent me this masterpiece:

“No crying it’s not aloud you’ve been there done it and won the t-shirt this time it’s beat the f ing shit out of it n give it it’s t shirt back it didn’t suit you anyway 🙄😆 pma big girl knickers n let’s this over n done with it’s messed with the wrong woman ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️”

Fair point 😂

Cancer already had its turn with me years ago. I fought it and got the t-shirt, it’s now had far too much airtime. This time i will absolutely hand the bloody t-shirt back because she’s right, it never suited me anyway.

So that’s the plan.

Big girl knickers on – let’s get this done.

See you on the other side!

Sam x