Living with Molly: Here We Go Again!

🎵 Human — Rag’n’Bone Man ❤️
(https://youtu.be/L3wKzyIN1yk?si=GptlBKHJMRKzKPdr)

I finally got my hair washed this morning thanks to my fabulous son helping me and it felt like one of the greatest moments of my recovery so far after feeling so shitty yesterday ☺️

My daughter and husband continued to be brilliant too. In fact, the whole family have been amazing. My stepmum came round this morning armed with the essentials: trashy magazines, fruit, and chocolate.

Because life is all about balance 😆

And I think that’s pretty much where my head is at too.

One minute I’m: “I must eat healthy protein and vegetables and nourish my body properly.”

The next minute I’m: “Life’s fucking short, just pass me the chocolate cake.”

To be fair, I’ve lived like that since the last time I went through this and I think both ways of thinking are ok. Everything in moderation and all that.
(although admittedly I probably should eat more veg than cake overall.)

Emotionally I still feel a bit up and down too. Not horrendously upset, but tearful one minute, laughing the next and in between feeling quite normal. Last time I went through this I remember it feeling like there was a black cloud constantly hovering over me and wanting desperately to feel ‘normal’ again like everyone else. This time the black cloud’s not constantly there, I’ve learned that I can live and get through most days cloud free and happy – maybe it’s acceptance this time – none of the ‘why me’ and more of the ‘bring it on’ fire in my belly thinking if anyone is gonna battle and win it’s me, so that’s ’why me’ in a good way.

The breast nurse, May, rang today to check how everything is healing and how the drain situation is behaving. Thankfully everything sounds exactly as expected, which is reassuring.

I’m back at the hospital Thursday now instead of Friday so they can check everything over properly, but pathology results are still likely to be another four to five weeks away.

So right now there’s nothing more I can really do except heal, rest, eat protein, occasionally eat chocolate and cake, and accept I’m only human and try not to lose my mind.

The other half meanwhile has been my superhuman recovery assistant despite already having a dodgy back before all this started. As I said, he spent the entire day yesterday potting plants, washing, drying, sorting the garden, looking after me, keeping me from overdoing things, and generally working hard non-stop!

This morning he woke up in pain with his back, with the pain worse and higher up this time and he ended up at the physio this afternoon 🫣 Which I think proves the point perfectly really: none of us are really truly superhuman.

Not me. Not him. Not any of us.

We’re all just trying our best while carrying whatever life decides to throw at us. Sometimes “doing your best” looks inspiring and brave and sometimes it looks like crying at the TV whilst eating chocolate, and sometimes it’s shouting because your back’s gone into spasm. It all counts 😆

Sam x

PS this was my healthy breakfast earlier today

PPS True to form, I’ve been laughing & crying tonight watching the Soccer Aid documentary, which feels very fitting given my ‘up and down’ state 😂😭 what a reminder though that us human beings are incredibly resilient and that sometimes people come through things you genuinely can’t imagine surviving. Anything really is possible (even getting Diego Maradona to play footy against Robbie Williams and his mates 🤣⚽️)