Living with Molly: Here We Go Again!

Meh

🎵 The Drugs Don’t Work – The Verve (https://youtu.be/ToQ0n3itoII?si=oCZKblbx1oea54Zj)

Today’s been a proper mopey pyjama day for me, one of those days where my body and brain both looked at my to-do list and went, “nah”.

I couldn’t even motivate myself to do the easy stuff like reading, replying to messages, or even a half-hearted scroll through social media. Just me & my pyjamas, tiredness and a general feeling of “meh”.

I’ve stopped taking the painkillers, not because I’m being brave or stubborn (for once 😆), but because I don’t really need them anymore. Which sounds like progress until you realise the drugs were probably masking quite a lot of what my body was trying to tell me. Now there’s nothing buffering the messages, so today’s was “You’re still recovering, rest up!”

My stepdad came round at lunchtime and I was so glad to see him, but afterwards it was like someone pulled the plug out. Whatever bit of battery I had left disappeared and I crashed for the rest of the day.

I’m learning that recovery is not the neat little upward line I’d like it to be. It’s more like one of those squiggly lines and scribbles you do when you’re testing out a pen. One day I’m getting my nails done, popping into B&M and feeling like I’m getting back to normality, then the next day I’m in pyjamas all day wondering why replying to texts feels too hard.

As ever in my life, I seem to be an all-or-nothing kind of gal – full throttle or flat battery, out and about or doing nothing, salad or chocolate cake. There doesn’t seem to be much room in my world for a sensible middle ground 😆 Maybe I should try to get to that middle bit in between – the balance – a bit more!

Here’s hoping tomorrow I have a little more energy, a little more motivation, and slightly less pyjama sadness, but if not, then I reckon clean pyjamas and another day of resting still counts as progress ❤️

Sam x

PS these are flowers from work- so lovely & bright (unlike me today!)

Responses

  1. Sofia Avatar
    Sofia

    Hey Sam, I miss you!

    I have been keeping up with your blogs in the background and it has been helpful to hear that you are doing well, so thank you for being so vulnerable.

    I resonated with this post as I, too, am a wriggler and often forget what rest means. I suppose it’s different for everyone and depends on the day (or hour or minute). But often my mind thinks it can stretch further than my body can, and my body will have a tantrum in response (usually via a migraine). The ‘buffering of messages’ is such an interesting analogy, and it comes down to establishing some language with your body to communicate when enough is enough.

    As Steph said, there is no strong consistent definition of rest and progress. But whatever your body needs today is valid and okay. No judgement.

    Looking forward to more updates xx

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    1. Sam Cheeky V Avatar
      Sam Cheeky V

      Hey lovely to hear from you Sofia, miss you too! Yea the mind and the body are far more powerful than you realise when you actually listen to them, often with life being how it is, we rush around and ignore the signals. Hope alls good with you and the other guys and gals xx

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  2. StephX123 Avatar
    StephX123

    I love the way you write. Recovery has a way of reminding us who’s really in charge, and it sounds like your body was very clear about needing a quieter day today.

    It’s definitely encouraging to hear that you’ve reached the point where you no longer need the painkillers, even if it does mean you’re feeling more of what your body has been trying to tell you. So important to listen to your body every day.

    Your description of recovery being a squiggly pen test rather than a straight line, made me smile, it’s so true. The good days show what’s possible, and the slower days are often where the healing is still happening behind the scenes.

    And for what it’s worth, a day spent in pyjamas, resting and giving yourself what you need, absolutely counts as progress. I hope tomorrow brings a little more energy and motivation, but if it doesn’t, be kind to yourself. You’re recovering, not racing.

    Wishing you a gentler day tomorrow and many more steps forward, however wobbly they may be. X

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    1. Sam Cheeky V Avatar
      Sam Cheeky V

      Thanks Steph – still in PJs currently but I aim to wash my hair and get dressed today so we shall see how it goes! ❤️🥰

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