Living with Molly: Here We Go Again!

🎵 Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper & Raye (https://youtube.com/shorts/OADeCdWqgMs?si=ufzDlzUwvIWoCTXw)

I’ve been putting off writing this one because, if I’m honest, I wasn’t quite sure how to.

We got our family holiday – the one I’d been looking forward to for weeks and before I say anything else, it really was lovely. The weather was gorgeous, Cala Bona is still one of my favourite places on earth, we had friends with us and, perhaps best of all, the kids came too.

Watching them this year was probably my favourite bit as we’ve been taking them there since they were little and suddenly they’re not little anymore. They’re kind, funny, thoughtful adults and it made me ridiculously proud just sitting back and watching them.

But it wasn’t the perfect holiday I’d built up in my head – the one where I completely switched off, had complete respite and forgot what is happening back home.

I think the first couple of days just hit me – the memories of so many good times there with great people, thinking about everything we’ve been through over the years and then thinking about what’s still to come.

The humidity didn’t help, I became a tearful and sweaty mess (not a good combo!) I was more tired than I expected, and I think my body was still catching up after the last few months.

I realised that cancer has a funny way of turning up even when you’ve left it at home, not physically, just emotionally, there’s no escape.

There were also few moments where emotions got the better of my other half too. I won’t go into the ins and outs because that’s not the important bit. The important bit, on reflection, is that cancer doesn’t just happen to one person. It happens to a whole family and everybody carries it differently.

My family has now been through this twice with me. They have watched me have surgery, watched me wait for results, watched me worry about the future and now we’re all trying to get our heads around what the BRCA genes might mean for all of us.

I know my other half desperately wants to fix everything but this isn’t something anyone can fix. I know that sometimes the people who love us the most don’t always say the right thing.

Sometimes they’re tired, or frightened or clumsy (that last one is me really!)

Sometimes they say things that hurt, and yes some things really did hurt, but I know underneath all of it, someone was trying, in his own imperfect way, to help me get through this. I know I’ve had moments where I haven’t been the easiest person to be on holiday with either. We’re only human.

The holiday wasn’t perfect, but then again, what family holiday ever is?

We had tears but thankfully there was a lot more laughter. There were many drinks drunk, probable too much food eaten. Most importantly there were more memories made. plenty of sunshine and a lot of love.

I’m home now.

I’ve driven for the first time since the operation, which felt strangely liberating, even if it was only to the supermarket to fill the fridge.

I’ve got an appointment at The Christie next week where hopefully we’ll talk through the next stage and I’m still waiting to hear from genetics.

I’ve also had a letter to say they’re reviewing my last mammogram because this is what’s called an interval cancer, so they’ll be looking back to understand whether there were any signs before it appeared.

As ever… more waiting.

But one thing this holiday did remind me of is that, whatever comes next, we won’t be facing it on our own. We’ve got each other. We’ve got brilliant family and friends – basically some pretty amazing people looking after us and looking out for us. ❤️

We just won’t mention the football 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿😭⚽️

Sam x