🎵 Tight Fit – The Lion Sleeps Tonight (https://youtu.be/hRv4cdZxTdQ?si=CEec2EdsfxHbzfh1)
There’s no inspirational message today or any reflection on life. Today I’m just… meh!
I’m allowing myself a few ‘meh days’ and this lion is gonna sleep tonight for sure, but I need to come back with a roar as I am doing my own head in, let alone my poor family and friends!
The aches and pains have gone, which is obviously a good thing, but in their place I’ve just felt tired and fed up. I even went out for lunch and had my nails done, and we finally got the bbq going, and if food and freshly painted nails can’t fully snap me out of it, we know things are serious.
Yesterday I thought I was getting back to normal again. I had my bloods done ready for tomorrow’s chemo and felt almost human after 2 coffees, but by later in the day I was tired again and needed another nap.
Then this morning I woke up feeling dizzy and with a weird, off sort of head. Thankfully, after yet another afternoon snooze, that seems to have gone and my head feels normal again, but my mood doesn’t.
Meh. Blah. Urgh. I’m fed up.
I know that I’m just looking ahead at another nine weeks of this weekly chemo and thinking that it’s just shit and I’m feeling sorry for myself basically.
I’ll do it, and I’ll get through it, so please don’t think I’ve lost my fight – I’m just pissed off about it right now. (Sorry this is a swearier post than normal!)
I’ve even been looking at wigs, thinking that might cheer me up. New hair, different styles! Reinvent myself! Nope, it’s just made the whole thing feel even more real and given me something else to feel sorry for myself about.
And that is probably what’s annoying me most, I’ve not fully snapped out of it. Woe-is-me Sam is not me and I can usually find something funny in all of this and crack on with life. Today I can’t really be arsed doing any of those things. Also, let’s be honest, cancer treatment is shit, it’s tiring, boring, frustrating and really effin’ annoying especially as it makes you more ill than you were before you started it.
So that’s today’s update.
I’m fine, my aches have gone, my bloods have been done, I’ve had lots of lovely food and my nails look nice. But I’m still meh and it’s chemo again tomorrow.
Urgh.
Sam x
PS Here’s pic of when I did feel happier last night in the garden with a book and a cheeky wine. I’m off to sleep now but this lion will most definitely roar again! ❤️
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