Living with Molly: Here We Go Again!

🎵 Teddy Swims – Guilty (https://youtu.be/FjIdlFANeIA?si=LCdthwceK0Z1yOdK)

Bank Holiday Monday and I’m at The Christie bright and early for another round of chemo and today I’m feeling guilty.

Which I know is ridiculous really. It’s bad enough having to go through this in the first place without it finding yet another way to mess with my head.

But there it is – guilt that it’s Bank Holiday and instead of us all doing something exciting together, we’re here. Guilt about the things we’re not doing cos we’re here, the weekends that revolve around how I’m feeling and whether I’m going to have enough energy to actually leave the house and guilt of dragging the other half out of bed early to sit here watching me hooked up to a drip for hours.

Nobody in my family makes me feel guilty, by the way. This is entirely something I’ve managed to heap on myself because apparently having cancer alone wasn’t quite enough. 🙄

Then, just to really hammer the guilty point home, I saw that Coronation Street is running a storyline about a family discovering they have the BRCA gene and the guilt a mum feels knowing she could have passed it on to her children. Oh brilliant, yet more guilt to add to the pile. FFS.

So much guilt seems to come attached to cancer – guilt about being ill and about needing help. Guilt about sleeping and cancelling things. Giult at not being where you should be. Guilt about everyone worrying about you. Now there’s also potential guilt about something written into my DNA genes that i have precisely zilch control over. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t cause it.

l am choosing to be sat here at The Christie this morning though, getting the treatment that’s hopefully making sure I’m around to disrupt plenty more Bank Holidays in the future. i’m here having my 4th round of chemo, and fingers crossed it gives me those few days of energy again ❤️

Sam x