Living with Molly: Here We Go Again!

🎵 Life is a Rollercoaster – Ronan Keating (https://youtu.be/MlC7m7wPZp8?si=0n8awslf3IgKafWF)

Well, here we are again, the eve of another new chapter in this unwanted cancer journey. Tomorrow I start the next round of chemotherapy, three cycles of EC (Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamide), given every three weeks. This is the tougher stuff, and pretty much what I had 18 years ago although I’m trying not to think too much about that just yet!

After completing all nine of my weekly chemo sessions last Monday, I actually had a pretty good week. For the most part, I felt fairly normal, my rash was less itchy and apart from the usual afternoon chemo fatigue I was fine and was starting to think I’d got away with another relatively easy week. Famous last words!

By Thursday I was feeling a bit ropey, although both kids have had colds, so I wasn’t entirely sure whether I was coming down with something or whether the chemo was finally catching up with me. I had a bit of a sleep, took things easy and thought nothing more of it as Friday I was ok too.

Friday finally brought my long-awaited genetics appointment with St Mary’s Hospital.

I’ve been waiting for this conversation for ages, particularly because of what it could mean for my kids. The call lasted about an hour and involved going through our family history in considerable detail, including who had cancer, what type and at what age. When you start putting it all together, it’s quite frightening just how much cancer there has been in our family, on both sides, both my parent’s sides and my husband’s sides.

The good news – yes there was some – is that despite me having both the BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations, the assessment wasn’t as alarming as I’d feared. My own risk hasn’t increased as dramatically as I imagined, and there are lots of options available for the kids in terms of testing, screening and prevention.

My daughter can start looking at breast screening now, including MRI surveillance. Both kids will need to go through their GPs for referrals to St Mary’s if they want genetic testing – unfortunately they can’t just arrange it because of my results, which seems a bit bonkers, but I understand that they’re adults and need to make their own informed decisions and I can’t make it all happen.

It’s one thing dealing with cancer myself, but the thought that I might have passed on something that could affect my children is quite another. Logically, I know I haven’t done anything wrong, and nobody gets to choose their genes, but that doesn’t stop the little pang of guilt. The reassuring part is that knowledge gives them choices, and there are far more options for monitoring and prevention than there once were.

For me, there’s also the likelihood of a hysterectomy being needed further down the line, although that’s likely to be at least ten months away, so I’m putting that one in the ‘deal with it later’ part of my head. There will also be hormone treatment after chemotherapy as part of reducing my risk of future problems, but one step at a time eh?!

I actually managed to go to the local on Friday night – the first Friday i’ve had out since the chemo started in August!

But… that rollercoaster….. Saturday then arrived.

Bloody hell, it was like being hit by a bus. I got up for my weekly bloods appointment. I had absolutely no energy, i felt completely wiped out and on top of that I started feeling really weepy too. Everything suddenly seemed to hit me at once and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Was it the cumulative effect of nine weeks of chemo, was I fighting off a cold, or was it the apprehension about starting EC on Monday and not knowing quite what to expect? Probably a bit of everything – either way I felt so down and slept loads 💤. Thankfully I had my CCO (Chief Comfort Officer)by my side for company throughout ❤️

This morning (Sunday!) feeling a bit more human, I went with G on the dog walk – I thought it would do me good but had no expectations of going further than a short walk along the canal – we ended up doing over 6km and called at a cafe for breakfast which really got my happy endorphins back! It reminded me that even when things feel pretty rubbish, they don’t stay that way. Yesterday I could barely muster the energy to do anything, and today I’ve walked over 6K in the fresh air and came home feeling like a different person.

At home I started researching the next chemotherapy drugs side effects in preparation for tomorrow. I’ve been having Paclitaxel and Carboplatin for the past nine weeks, and whilst they’ve had their moments, I’ve been relatively lucky with the side effects. EC is a different combination altogether, and from what I’ve googled, I might have less of the aching but potentially more fatigue, nausea and generally feeling rubbish. I know everyone reacts differently, so there’s no point writing myself off before I’ve even started, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little apprehensive. Still, I’ll deal with it like I do everything – one step at a time! I’m sure the rollercoaster ride will continue!

Sam x

PS I got a lovely gift from work this week – I didn’t know you could even buy a lemon tree with real lemons 🍋 I absolutely love it 🥰