🎵 Diana Ross – I’m Coming Out (https://youtu.be/F-mjl63e0ms?si=gicVvz1XQrAlRw2K)
Well another one has been ticked off the list! Yesterday was my penultimate chemotherapy session, which means I have just ONE left to go! 🎉
I can’t believe I’m finally able to say that. After nine weekly sessions and two of the three EC treatments complete, the finishing line is actually in sight.
My blood tests on Saturday showed that my white blood cells were still low, but more worryingly, my neutrophils had dropped too low. These are the little infection-fighting soldiers that help protect us from bacteria and fungi, and chemotherapy can give them a proper battering!
So it was touch and go whether I’d actually get my penultimate chemo. The chemo nurse rang me on Saturday late afternoon and said I had to go back early Monday morning for another blood test, and thankfully my neutrophils had recovered enough to get the green light. Phew!
It’s another reminder that however normal I might feel on the outside, there’s a lot going on inside that I can’t see and I still need to be careful.
The chemo itself went well – we had the usual struggles getting a good vein for the cannula so i’m a bit bruised after 4 attempts but I’m used to that now. I forgot about the red wee afterwards and had a bit of a shock when I went to the loo but soon remembered why!!🫣🤣
I’m writing this from my bed this morning, black coffee in hand, watching morning TV while the other half takes Chief out for his walk. I’m feeling okay at the moment, just a bit achy, but I know the drill by now. The chemo tends to wait a couple of days before reminding me who’s boss, so I’m making the most of feeling relatively human while I can. I’ve even booked myself in to have my nails done at lunchtime – a little bit of pampering before I turn back into a duvet-dwelling slug for the next week!
Talking of feeling human again, on Saturday evening, I actually went OUT! Properly out, drinking and having fun with friends, in a restaurant. Who knew I still had it in me?!
We’d booked a Halloween drag night with three of my closest, bestest friends, and despite wondering whether I should really be going, I decided I needed to. Out came the red wig with devil horns, on went the cape and off I went!
It was brilliant and exactly what i knew I needed . We laughed, we caught up, and for a few hours I felt like a little bit of the old me again. But before anyone thinks I’ve suddenly turned back into some sort of party animal, I should point out that I was home fairly early, courtesy of my daughter’s taxi service. A couple of the girls stayed out until 1am and quite frankly, I don’t know how they managed it as i’m not sure I could do that even without chemotherapy these days!l I’d had my fun, enjoyed some brilliant company and knew when it was time to call it a night. And that was enough.
It’s funny what you miss. I’ve always been a bit of a social butterfly. I love being out, seeing people, having a laugh and generally being involved in life and that’s been one of the things I’ve missed a lot over the past few months.
I’ve still managed the odd night in the local when I’ve felt up to it, and I’m incredibly grateful for WhatsApp, texts, Facebook and this little blog. They’ve all been a lifeline for keeping connected with people when I haven’t had the energy to see them, but it’s not quite the same as feeling energetic and being in the thick of it. I get a lot of my energy from being around people that radiate (keep me well away from the drains though haha!).
Then there’s the whole hair situation as even when I put a wig on, I don’t feel like myself. There’s always that little voice wondering whether it’s going to slip off at the most inappropriate moment. When I’m wearing a hat, I’m convinced people are wondering why I’ve still got it on indoors! It’s daft really, because most people probably couldn’t care less, it’s just another little reminder that life isn’t quite normal at the moment.
Still, Saturday reminded me that the old me is very much still in there. She might be a bit bald, a bit knackered and need collecting by her daughter before the night gets going properly, but she’s still there and hopefully, before too much longer, she’ll be making a more regular appearance.
One more chemotherapy session. Just ONE!
After that, it’s on to hormone treatment and whatever else the next chapter brings. I’m not pretending everything will suddenly go back to normal overnight, but getting to the end of chemotherapy will be a massive milestone.
For now, it’s back to taking things one day at a time, enjoying the good days when they come along and resting when my body tells me to, and if I can squeeze in the occasional night out, dog walk or nail appointment along the way, then even better.
Cancer might have put my social life on hold for a while, but it certainly hasn’t cancelled it. the social butterfly is getting ready to come out of her cocoon again. 🦋
Just as soon as she’s had another little nap. 😂
Sam x
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